SOME DEALS ARE WRITTEN IN BLOOD. THIS ONE'S WRITTEN IN STUPIDITY.
Coming 2025
Welcome to Roeville - the kind of place where ambition comes to die and then gets its wallet stolen. Where the only thing more toxic than the meth lab down the street is the sense of hopelessness that hangs in the air like chemical fog.
Eric just wanted power. Not Instagram-influencer power. Real power. The kind that makes people respect you instead of stuffing you headfirst into a garbage can while a homeless guy pisses on you.
Mikey just wanted to get laid.
Tiretool just wanted... honestly, Tiretool's not entirely sure what he wanted, but he's here for the ride.
So when they find a cursed vinyl at the local record store - The Haxson Sword, one of only 666 copies, allegedly used to summon hell itself - they figure: why the f**k not? It's not like their lives can get worse.
Narrator voice: Their lives got worse.
The Devil shows up. He's real. He's pissed. And he's delighted to make a deal.
Now they've got 24 hours to find the legendary Metal Blade, solve an impossible riddle, and stab Satan himself before their souls become chew toys for eternity.
Standing in their way: demon-possessed ex-girlfriends, undead neighbors, massacred pool parties, a Mormon demonologist, and the slow, creeping realization that maybe—just maybe—they're completely f***ed.
What readers are saying:
"Like if Kevin Smith wrote a Clive Barker story while listening to Slayer."
"I laughed. I gagged. I couldn't put it down."
"This book made me uncomfortable in the best possible way."
"Not recommended for anyone who doesn't like: gore, profanity, dark humor, or fun."
Perfect for fans of:
- John Dies at the End
- Preacher (the comic)
- Early Peter Jackson films
- Anything Grady Hendrix has written
- Metal music and bad decisions
Content warnings: Extreme violence, pervasive profanity, dark humor, demonic possession, substance abuse, and one very unfortunate pool party.
Available: 2025
Pre-order: Coming Soon